<3

What is love?

That's a question I've asked myself so many times, and so has everyone else who has ever existed. Love, can it really be described? Is one person's definition more accurate than the others'? Does anyone really know?

I think love is laughing with someone over stupid stuff that nobody else would get. I think it's laying in bed all evening and still having the best night ever. I think love is not being able to stand losing someone. I think it means thinking about someone 24/7, and always wanting to be with them.
I think love is giving someone freedom, and not trying to consume their life. I think it's a 'good morning' text at 5:50 am, because that's what time you woke up this morning, and that's the first thing you thought about.
I think love means it's hard to say goodbye, and it'll take three hours if you let it. Its holding hands and walking together, its kissing each other on the cheek,
its being frustrated at someone
one minute, and laughing at them the next. Its jumping on the bed together, its being there for someone when you need them. Love is letting someone know how you feel before it's too late, it's saying sorry even if you don't think you're wrong, it's doing everything you can to make it work even if it seems impossible...love is easy and difficult, beautiful and confusing, messy and crazy.

Everyone has their own kind of love. It grows and changes everyday.

I'm not naive; this kind of love has an enormous chance of not lasting forever.



But what if it does?

Change

People change their ideas. They change their tastes. They change their favorite band. They change their friends.

They change their mind.

It's been said, "you can't change people." over and over and over again.
It's in books, movies, songs, everyday conversations. Everyone seems to agree, and so do I. I'm sure I've given someone that exact advice.
If you asked me, "do you think you can change a person?"
I'd answer whole-heartedly:

"Of course not."

Words are just words, however; the only real way of knowing what you believe is when you are thrown into a situation where you are forced to put them into action.

I thought I believed it.

I thought I was positive a person was unchangeable, until I ended up tossing and turning at night for a week straight, restless, waiting for a person to come around. I spent all my effort giving them chances to reshape their decisions for me; I was still left unrequited, still trying.
I subconsciously thought they would change, but of course I was wrong. When it all comes down to it, all you can ever hope for is to love with all of our heart, and be the best you can possibly be towards the people you care about. If they still aren't willing to meet you there, their loss.
Almost everyone regrets losing someone that gave them their all at one point or another; whether it's a guilt-driven regret or a true longing for them, they regret it.


But don't live to be someone's regret, live to be a good memory, an example of someone who truly cared. If they didn't appreciate you when they had the chance, that's all they deserve to have of you: a memory.

After all, you can't change people.

I seem to only blog about boys, but I guess that's all that's really been on my mind lately <3 after seeing what I DON'T deserve, I am now figuring out what I do deserve...and it's a pretty big list ;D

I want a boy who is not afraid to stand up for me when he needs to.
I want a boy who will fight with me on my side no matter what.

I want a boy who will wake up in the morning and bring me breakfast,
a boy who will know and love all my favorite things.

A boy who will be patient with me, because I do get mad sometimes, and sometimes the reasons are completely and utterly ridiculous.
Sometimes I'm going to say I don't want to be with you; but we all know I do. Just tell me you love me, and wait for the storm to pass.

You have to like my dog. He's a sweetheart :)

I want a boy who will tell me the truth when I need to hear it.
Maybe I shouldn't've said that to my friend; will you please let me know? Help me be a better person.

I want a boy who will be my best friend. I'll tell you all my secrets, and you tell me yours. Promise to try to understand me, and I'll do the same.

I want a boy who will do little things to make me happy. A million little things can sometimes be better than one big thing.

Make me feel like I'm important. Pick me over things you usually wouldn't sometimes; I'll do the same for you.

Have friends; and let me have mine. I need time with my girls, and you need time with your guys. Just don't ditch me for them.

I'm more important than your girl "best friend".

Ask me out on dates, I love to get ready, dress up, and go out with you.

Snuggle with me when it rains outside. When you know its gonna be stormy, call me and tell me you're coming over. Bring movies and my favorite candy <3

Take me to the park on sunny days, and lets just walk around together, hold hands, and talk.

Talk to me about my life, about everything. I want to know you actually care.

Tell me I'm beautiful, as often as you can. I already know you think it, but it's just so great to hear.


I just want a boy, who will give me exactly what I deserve. It may take years for me to find this, but oh is it worth the wait <3

You can't change people; the only thing you can ever be certain of is to be true to yourself, and one day someone who loves you for just that will come along, and be twice the person the one who didn't, ever was <3

In a Perfect World

I want a boy to fall in love with me.
And I want to fall in love with him.

I don't want to be the one begging on my knees for the relationship to work; and I don't want him to do that, either.

I want to be happy; I want him to be happy, too.
I want to be certain of our love; I want him to know for sure that I'm what he wants.

I don't want to fight all of the time to be satisfied; and I'd never want him to do that with me.

I just want to smile. I want someone who will treat me right, someone who I will treat right. Someone to fall in mutual love with, and to promise to work it out no matter what comes our way. I want someone who cares about me, and I want to care about them <3

Never date a writer. They blog about you.

This is to you.

This is to the one who broke my heart.

This is to the one I gave everything to, the one that let me down.

This is to the one that didn't stand up for me when I needed you.

This is to the one who turned your back on me, the one who just made the biggest mistake of your life.

This is to you, enjoy.

We had so many good times together. You made me laugh when nobody on this planet could. You made me smile when I just wanted to cry. You were there for me. You listened to my problems, and you helped me solve them. I cried on your shoulder so many times. You made the pain go away. You comforted me. I felt so safe, so happy.


I remember first talking to you. In the bleachers of a Springtown football game, you told me you liked my earmuffs. You kept flirting, and gave me your jacket. I remember going home that night and adding you on facebook, hoping you would talk to me. The girl who ruined us, she was the same one who brought us together. I remember that.

I remember our first date. I remember being scared to death. I wanted you to like me, and I was scared you wouldn't. I spent about 3 hours before, nervous out of my mind. But as soon as I was with you, all those nerves disappeared. We liked all the same music, laughed at all the same jokes. We spent three hours on my front porch talking about everything. You made me laugh so much, and I just knew I could fall in love with you.

And that's what scared me.

I was scared to fall in love with you, scared of getting hurt, scared of what could happen if I did let you in and it didn't work out. You worked so hard to get to know me, for me to tell you everything, to learn every single part of me and to discover more every day. I let myself fall in love with you. You promised it was the right choice, you promised you wouldn't hurt me.

Silly girl, how could I believe such a promise? There is hurt in every relationship, eventually. For some reason, I took your word for it.

I devoted all my time and effort to you. I did everything I could to make you happy, and you made me so very happy as well. I would like to thank you for every good memory I have with you, there are way too many to count. I love your family, they were so welcoming to me. I loved our relationship. We spent so much time just laughing together, being happy, doing things we both enjoyed. I spent weeks stressing over your birthday, trying to get everything perfect. I thought you deserved the best, and I did the very best I could for you. Many people told me how jealous they were of us, of everything we did for each other.

We also spent so much time crying. So many times, you hurt me deeply, and I let you. I hurt you, too, and I'm sorry for that.

I know more about you than you think I do. I know why you do the things you do, and I know that you think your friends are the most important people in the world, and you never wanted to be known as the "guy who ditched his friends for his girl". Instead, you'd rather be the guy who ditched his girl for his friends, over, and over, and over. You made me feel bad for being upset, but I just wanted you to stand up for me this once. No matter what your friends said, I deserved that, I was worth that. You believed your friends' judgements of our relationships, when we are the only people that have the authority to judge our relationship. You let other peoples's judgements get to you so much that it affected our relationship. It affected it to the point that you thought there was something wrong, when there wasn't.


I needed you. You used to be there for me. But, when I needed you the most, you turned your back. You did the most horrible thing you could ever do to me in such a situation, and I can never let my good memories of you overcome that. I will never get why you did not stay with me, stay on my side, because I am so sure I would've done that for you. I have despised anyone that has hurt you, and it sure as heck would not have happened on my watch. Why couldn't you do that for me? I am not saying you are a horrible person. You were a good boyfriend to me, but you broke my heart. I didn't know how this truly felt until now. You left me with a broken heart, even though I'm the one who broke up with you. It needed to be done. No, we can't just be friends. I'm in love with you, and I could never just be your friend. You should have been there, been the man you were supposed to be. You made your choice, well now I've made mine.

I hope one day you realize the mistake you made. I hope you realize you should have been with me, not with her; I hope you realize that I am worth enough to be stood up for, no matter what your friends would say. Of course, by the time you realize that, it will be much too late.


So to you, the boy who messed up the best thing he could have ever had.

From me, the girl you will one day wish you never hurt.


<3

Your Mountain Awaits

"You won’t lag behind, because you’ll have the speed. You’ll pass the whole gang and you’ll soon take the lead. Wherever you fly, you’ll be best of the best. Wherever you go, you will top all the rest.

Except when you don’t.
Because, sometimes, you won’t.

I’m sorry to say so but, sadly, it’s true that Bang-ups and Hang-ups can happen to you." -Dr. Seuss, "Oh, the Places You'll Go!"

Life becomes easier, when you realize its not quite easy at all. Yeah, sometimes its easy. Sometimes you don't even have to try, and everything just seems to be, well...handed to you. 

...but more often than that, you get let down and everything just sucks. You make a mistake, and the damage is irreversible. It is so easy to just want to give up and say, "my life sucks," and have a bad attitude from here on out.

But life goes on. It can't rain forever, but while it's raining, you might as well dance in it. You might as well smile at those who can't forgive you,  you might as well love even when you don't feel loved. 

This is the outlook I desire: To recognize that life is difficult at times, but to not ever give up hope. To see the bright side of every situation, and to know that happiness is attainable but nothing is perfect, and that sadness is a part of life.

Life is hard, and sometimes we fail. Sometimes we lose the ones we love. But life can be great, and thats what keeps me persevering.... knowing the happy times are not too far away.

"Kid, you’ll move mountains!

So…be your name Buxbaum or Bixby or Bray or Mordecai Ale Van Allen O’Shea, you’re off to Great Places!
Today is your day!
Your mountain is waiting.
So…get on your way!"

thoughts.

I think and think and think and think. Sometimes it feels like that's all I ever do, I think, and I think too much and I create one thought into the next, into the next, into the next and all of a sudden I have thought myself right into trouble.
However, sometimes I think myself into the greatest thoughts... into wonderful ideas and notions that will probably never be heard by the world much further than right here.

Well, tonight is not one of those nights. Tonight, I'm not thinking much at all actually. I'm at peace, and I'm happy. For once in my life I can not possibly think of anything to write about, yet still, I feel like writing. I feel like broadcasting the fact that I do not have the need to think, and that here in about an hour I will fall asleep and let my heart do the thinking, when I head into those deep dreams of mine.


...that are usually about pizza and giant enchiladas, but hey, the heart wants what the heart wants.