Never date a writer. They blog about you.

This is to you.

This is to the one who broke my heart.

This is to the one I gave everything to, the one that let me down.

This is to the one that didn't stand up for me when I needed you.

This is to the one who turned your back on me, the one who just made the biggest mistake of your life.

This is to you, enjoy.

We had so many good times together. You made me laugh when nobody on this planet could. You made me smile when I just wanted to cry. You were there for me. You listened to my problems, and you helped me solve them. I cried on your shoulder so many times. You made the pain go away. You comforted me. I felt so safe, so happy.


I remember first talking to you. In the bleachers of a Springtown football game, you told me you liked my earmuffs. You kept flirting, and gave me your jacket. I remember going home that night and adding you on facebook, hoping you would talk to me. The girl who ruined us, she was the same one who brought us together. I remember that.

I remember our first date. I remember being scared to death. I wanted you to like me, and I was scared you wouldn't. I spent about 3 hours before, nervous out of my mind. But as soon as I was with you, all those nerves disappeared. We liked all the same music, laughed at all the same jokes. We spent three hours on my front porch talking about everything. You made me laugh so much, and I just knew I could fall in love with you.

And that's what scared me.

I was scared to fall in love with you, scared of getting hurt, scared of what could happen if I did let you in and it didn't work out. You worked so hard to get to know me, for me to tell you everything, to learn every single part of me and to discover more every day. I let myself fall in love with you. You promised it was the right choice, you promised you wouldn't hurt me.

Silly girl, how could I believe such a promise? There is hurt in every relationship, eventually. For some reason, I took your word for it.

I devoted all my time and effort to you. I did everything I could to make you happy, and you made me so very happy as well. I would like to thank you for every good memory I have with you, there are way too many to count. I love your family, they were so welcoming to me. I loved our relationship. We spent so much time just laughing together, being happy, doing things we both enjoyed. I spent weeks stressing over your birthday, trying to get everything perfect. I thought you deserved the best, and I did the very best I could for you. Many people told me how jealous they were of us, of everything we did for each other.

We also spent so much time crying. So many times, you hurt me deeply, and I let you. I hurt you, too, and I'm sorry for that.

I know more about you than you think I do. I know why you do the things you do, and I know that you think your friends are the most important people in the world, and you never wanted to be known as the "guy who ditched his friends for his girl". Instead, you'd rather be the guy who ditched his girl for his friends, over, and over, and over. You made me feel bad for being upset, but I just wanted you to stand up for me this once. No matter what your friends said, I deserved that, I was worth that. You believed your friends' judgements of our relationships, when we are the only people that have the authority to judge our relationship. You let other peoples's judgements get to you so much that it affected our relationship. It affected it to the point that you thought there was something wrong, when there wasn't.


I needed you. You used to be there for me. But, when I needed you the most, you turned your back. You did the most horrible thing you could ever do to me in such a situation, and I can never let my good memories of you overcome that. I will never get why you did not stay with me, stay on my side, because I am so sure I would've done that for you. I have despised anyone that has hurt you, and it sure as heck would not have happened on my watch. Why couldn't you do that for me? I am not saying you are a horrible person. You were a good boyfriend to me, but you broke my heart. I didn't know how this truly felt until now. You left me with a broken heart, even though I'm the one who broke up with you. It needed to be done. No, we can't just be friends. I'm in love with you, and I could never just be your friend. You should have been there, been the man you were supposed to be. You made your choice, well now I've made mine.

I hope one day you realize the mistake you made. I hope you realize you should have been with me, not with her; I hope you realize that I am worth enough to be stood up for, no matter what your friends would say. Of course, by the time you realize that, it will be much too late.


So to you, the boy who messed up the best thing he could have ever had.

From me, the girl you will one day wish you never hurt.


<3

Your Mountain Awaits

"You won’t lag behind, because you’ll have the speed. You’ll pass the whole gang and you’ll soon take the lead. Wherever you fly, you’ll be best of the best. Wherever you go, you will top all the rest.

Except when you don’t.
Because, sometimes, you won’t.

I’m sorry to say so but, sadly, it’s true that Bang-ups and Hang-ups can happen to you." -Dr. Seuss, "Oh, the Places You'll Go!"

Life becomes easier, when you realize its not quite easy at all. Yeah, sometimes its easy. Sometimes you don't even have to try, and everything just seems to be, well...handed to you. 

...but more often than that, you get let down and everything just sucks. You make a mistake, and the damage is irreversible. It is so easy to just want to give up and say, "my life sucks," and have a bad attitude from here on out.

But life goes on. It can't rain forever, but while it's raining, you might as well dance in it. You might as well smile at those who can't forgive you,  you might as well love even when you don't feel loved. 

This is the outlook I desire: To recognize that life is difficult at times, but to not ever give up hope. To see the bright side of every situation, and to know that happiness is attainable but nothing is perfect, and that sadness is a part of life.

Life is hard, and sometimes we fail. Sometimes we lose the ones we love. But life can be great, and thats what keeps me persevering.... knowing the happy times are not too far away.

"Kid, you’ll move mountains!

So…be your name Buxbaum or Bixby or Bray or Mordecai Ale Van Allen O’Shea, you’re off to Great Places!
Today is your day!
Your mountain is waiting.
So…get on your way!"

thoughts.

I think and think and think and think. Sometimes it feels like that's all I ever do, I think, and I think too much and I create one thought into the next, into the next, into the next and all of a sudden I have thought myself right into trouble.
However, sometimes I think myself into the greatest thoughts... into wonderful ideas and notions that will probably never be heard by the world much further than right here.

Well, tonight is not one of those nights. Tonight, I'm not thinking much at all actually. I'm at peace, and I'm happy. For once in my life I can not possibly think of anything to write about, yet still, I feel like writing. I feel like broadcasting the fact that I do not have the need to think, and that here in about an hour I will fall asleep and let my heart do the thinking, when I head into those deep dreams of mine.


...that are usually about pizza and giant enchiladas, but hey, the heart wants what the heart wants.

Changes

Life never is quite what it seems.

I try to figure things out, I think I know what I'm doing, I'm happy where I am... and then everything changes.

However, it can never really change for the worse, because I always find something good within all the chaos.

"Reflecting now on how things could have been, it was worth it in the end." That line from Daughtry's new song repeats in my head every time I hear it. It could not be more true. Despite how things might have ended up, despite what could have happened... the time and memories spent in a certain season of life are worth it, one hundred percent. Worth the pain, the tears, and the heartache of losing someone.

The past year and a half of my life have been filled up with a certain person, and now that person is gone; but I do not regret the days I spent with him, the depths I have opened up to him, and the thoughts I committed to him. I learned a lot from being in a serious relationship, and though I ended up not wanting to be with him, I'm glad we had the time together that we did.

I learn every day. I learn how to be a better person, I learn how to dedicate myself to my loved ones, I learn how to get to Ridgmar Mall... I learn something that will help me for the rest of my life. Reflecting now on how things could've been, it was worth it in the end.

Seventeen Things

This is just a random list of seventeen things I've learned in life; I thought it was fitting, considering I've just reached my seventeenth birthday. Enjoy :)

17. Always think long and hard before you drastically cut, dye, or perm your hair. Think about every possible thing you could ever think of. And then, don't do it.

16. You can always rely on your mother. She will be there above and beyond any friend or other family member, guaranteed.

15. If you just got $700 in birthday money, don't go directly to the mall. Think before you buy.

14. A job is a huge responsibility, and its not suitable to be mixed with a full time high school career, unless you absolutely need the money.

13. Talk about the important stuff with your friends. Don't text it, that will never end up like you planned. Unless you planned on catastrophe.

12. It's okay if someone doesn't like you. Don't do everything you can to gain full acceptance from everyone.

11. The bad boys are oh-so-enticing, and oh-so-quasi charming, but they are a NO; you will not change them or affect them no matter what the movies say. Life isn't Grease or High School Musical. They are going to remain a bad boy and they are never going to fall in love with you.

10. Don't ever text or call a guy first. It is completely his initiative, and that's how you'll know he really cares.

9. Don't ever betray your true friends. And you'll know who your true friends are when you do have that moment of weakness, and betray them, and over time they still remain your friend.

8. Being surrounded by and having love and joy outweigh all the money and material things in the world by a ton.

7. Don't over plan your life. Take it as it comes; it is unlikely that you will marry the boy you started dating when you were 15, but what is meant to be will work out eventually. Don't miss out on life by betting every dime on one dream that could be years away. Life is too precious to not live for the day you have.

6. Spend a lot of time with your friends; spend time giggling and talking about and getting into stuff you probably shouldn't. Ride the tallest rollercoaster 8 times in a row. Life is meant to be enjoyed.

5. Things don't always work out the way you planned. In fact, they hardly ever do.

4. Be heartbroken. Accept it. Eat chocolate and listen to Taylor Swift. You will look back one day and laugh, and realize how much he wasn't worth it.

3. Make the best decision you possibly can. Even if not a single soul in the world understands, do what is best for you. Don't live to please everybody around you. The best decision is probably not the easiest one either-- if it were, it probably wouldn't be a "decision".

2. White lines in the middle of the road mean "One-Way". And the people honking also let you know.

1. God is in complete control. This life really is all about Him.

All You Need is Love

Love, love is all you need...

...The Beatles peacefully serenaded these lyrics to me during my car ride the other morning. This is a song I've heard time and time again, but this particular morning I decided to be a deep, theological thinker. I imagined the world if love is all we needed, and we all realized that, because if it was a necessity it was what we would strive for, like I strive for making it to lunchtime or sleeping a decent amount, or even communication. Those are necessities, and therefore i do everything in my power to pursue these things and more. What if I loved as much as I spoke?

And what is love? According to Webster, love is classified as a noun AND a verb. The noun "love" consists of mainly shallow, romantic, or sexual definitions. The verb "to love" deals more with the act of feeling affection towards a person or caring for another. I personally favor the verb form, because that means love results in a behavior. Love is evident, and you shouldn't have to guess if someone loves you or not.

God defines love as patient, kind, unselfish, non-boastful and completely absent of pride and jealousy. He tells us that if we love correctly it will never fail. It covers just about every aspect of our internal sin. God IS love. He SHOWED us His love not only on the cross but even by creating us as choosing us. He SHOWS us His love by continuously blessing us and giving us grace abundantly. He is acting on His love.


If all I needed was love, I could forgive some people for things they have done to me because love doesn't keep a record of wrongs.
If all I needed was love, I wouldn't continuously let my circumstances affect me, because I always have an unchanging God who loves me.
If all I needed was love, I wouldn't hurt those who are close to me because love isn't easily angered or rude.
If all I needed was love, I would be able to show more people who God is because loving our neighbor is one of the greatest commandments.
If all I needed was love, I would care more about other people than I cared about myself, because love is not self-seeking.
& I could go on for days...


What if we all showed evidence of love to everyone in our lives? What if we strived to love as much as we strived to think, or talk, or sleep, or eat, or whatever else we consider a necessity? We obviously have a need to be loved. But where is our need to love? John Lennon did have one thing wrong-- it's not exactly easy.

So I'm going to be intentional about this. It seems so simple and cliche, but I don't think humankind will ever get this quite right, but its worth a shot.